Immer noch ein Beginner.

Bald 7 Jahre auf dem Weg, immer noch ein Beginner.

Mein Geist ist ruhiger geworden.

Meine Wut ist kleiner geworden aber immer noch da.

Meine Selbstliebe ist stark. Es ist gut. Nun die Details. Auf Englisch, einfach, weil ich dort präziser schreiben kann. Fällt mir leichter...

Nuclear Apocalypse. Dream state >> Horror

"The rage virus" inside of myself seems to be under control, which is a good thing.

But I cannot fool myself. I cannot fool those people closest to me.

A single spark of true feeling can still ignite my rage.

That rage is there and it is still powerful though I know it will never do any harm beyond some awkward conversations or interactions.

The power of love is already WAY too STRONG inside of myself.

I already love myself so much that I cannot leave my path to 'the end thing' anymore.

That is good.

I like that.

That gives me comfort.

And still, there is a black hole inside myself.

I think there is still that black hole.

Maybe it is already gone almost entirely.

Well, sometimes I still act like there is a black hole.

And then you shouldn't be close to me, because then I am a red hot iron.

And then I might burn you.

Sometimes because I am careless.

Or because I needed a sparrings-partner to train my "new skills" or a new stage of consciousness.

Or because I am still hurting and wasn't able to keep my pain and suffering to only myself.

Or because I am a subtile human man who loves to play a strange form of 4D chess.

I like to play with time and words and symbols.

I like to play with my consciousness and sometimes am tempted to play with your consciousness as well.

I like to play with humans and don't do it though because it is not good to do that and I know that and thus stay "just a human".

Or because I just want to see how powerful I can be by using my dark arts to my advantage.

Beware.

I am a loaded weapon.

I am not ready to shoot but I am still a dangerous human being in this world.

That is ok. We all are dangerous in some way.

Whoever says about himself (and I can only speak for men):

"I am harmless and I will never hurt you."

Whoever speaks those words: beware even more of that man, then of me.

Me: I know I my dark as well as my lightful energies inside of me.

"What we don't transform, that we will transfer".

Oprah Winfrey said that. I think it is true.

"If you don't reflect, then you project"

Wenn Du nicht reflektierst, dann projizierst Du Deine Themen auf andere."

Weiß nicht mehr genau wer es sagte aber es ist leider auch letzte Nacht wieder wahr geworden. Tja, und Unwissenheit über das Verborgene hilft hier nicht gerade weiter.

Don't let that happen to you: me projecting my ideas or desires onto your life and persona.

That's the reason why I am writing this post.

I want to offer you my source code.

I am somewhat a tech guy and like to think in ideas like systems and hacks and source codes.

Here it is: my basic map towards understanding my persona:

I am on a good path. If you meet me now, cool, we might very well have a good time.

The later you meet me, the more advanced I will be on my path to healing.

I want to be healed and I heal myself.

I have good friends and healers and heroines to help me heal.

I trust the process.

I trust my Taita W.

I enjoy the process.

If you join me on my path for some time then just keep the above mentioned map on your mind and feel free to ask me:

"Where is my mind?"

R.I.P. Tyler Durden